Friday, November 20, 2009


Twilight is wrong. I am not just drinking the hatorade. I'll try to make valid points. I feel bad for girls that read this rubbish and now want to see these shitty movies. Not only is Twilight a poorly written novel, but it sends girls the wrong message in more than one way. I am going to make you Twihards a little list of 6 things I see wrong with Twilight:

1. Lack of Strong female characters- Seriously guys we are in the 21st goddamn century, so why does everytime Bella have to be in some jam Edward has to get his pale ass up to save her? Is this main character whom we are suppose to feel some emotional connection to just some Damsel in Distress. Come on girls grow up. Take a note out of Ripley from the Alien franchise or hell. even Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

2. This whole "Edward" idea- Hey Stephenie Meyer! Thanks for totally shafting average guys like the gang at Bro Patrol. Are you really going to put this idea of the Knight in vampire armor to every impressionable tween?  Way to make the idea of marrying Joe Six Pack so unbearable. This whole idea will just leave girls disappointed after sex and guys crying in the bathroom wondering what they did wrong.  (Yeah, if the guy is a giant pussy -Jimmy)

3. The rape of Vampires- How are people suppose to take vampires seriously anymore? Vampires used to be bad ass. Now they just suck ass. All they do is sit around and mope about being undead. Stephenie Meyer's vampires can walk in the sunlight, don't have fangs, don't turn into bats, and can eat a garlic pizza like a teenage goddamn Ninja Turtle. HOLY SHIT she wrote about goth kids! Anne Rice didn't help the cause with Interview With a Vampire, but Twilight just put the nail in the so-called coffin (see what i did there).  Vampires need to get a new publicist.

I am tired so Look for Part 2 tomorrow.


I'm still looking for Part 2.

Twilight is awful. I took the time to sit down and watch this SHIT. Why? What kind of Bro would watch such an insult to men? To attack it with the knowledge of each of its flaws. Twilight is as if The Days of Our Lives had a child with the Adams Family. The acting in this movie is so bad. I've seen better acting on YouTube. YOUTUBE! The performances are so forced. The actors are obviously in this for the pay check. But its not like we can expect much more, the source material is no better. and Edward? Every time this asshole appears on screen it looks like a fucking' Levi jeans commercial, or some shit.  He walks in slow motion, multiple times, there is no need for that!  When he's not in slow motion, he's showing of his ridiculous Blue Steele*impression for all his MCU's** or closer. There is absolutely no redeeming quality to this movie, nothing I found entertaining or even respectable. The cinematography is mediocre as well, theres nothing wrong with it, but it is far from impressive.

Looking for part two, Sam

**-MCU=Midium Close Up (Film making term)

No comments:

Post a Comment