Friday, November 6, 2009


Hey guys it's Sam from BroPatrol and I am talking about hipsters. If you are one of the fortunate souls who have never come across a hipster just google it and you'll know what I am talking about.

So lately I have been thinking a lot about hipsters. Mainly how much I hate them. I have always had a deep seated hatred for hipster set, but this just reignited the flame. Have you guys seen that Miracle Whip commercial? Well if you haven't you won't believe this shit :


I hope these zany Bill Cosby sweater wearing "we carry pictures of cats in our wallets" douche bags choke on their goddamn sandwiches. CHOKE.

Also it's not cool to like crappy cartoons you watched when you were younger. No one gives a flying fuck about your cool Dark Wing Duck t-shirt with the sleeve slightly torn that you got when you were 9 and it got caught on a fence. While we're on the subject of "Hipster Fashion", why do hipsters have to wear bright fucking colors giving me headaches and the fucking girl jeans on the guys and shit? Also, listening to indie bands and liking 500 days of summer doesn't make you unique or ironic. Jesus Christ.

I hate people that try so hard to be original that they have to make asses out of themselves. You're not original. Get a job. Shave your fucking grizzly Adams beard. Get some new friends (unless they are hot, keep those friends). Have a nice life.


Alright, I gotta get my opinion thrown in here too...
I also, am not a fan of hipsters. I honestly predict that these creepy fucks are going to cause the end of humanity. Lets say Aliens land their ships on US soil, in hopes of sharing their technology, which would send human kind into an age of prosperity we couldn't imagine. BUT the first thing they happen to see is Henry McHipster with his jeans that he bought from young women's section at Kohl's and his prized shirt he bought at some asian family's yard sale. They first see him and his haggard ass girlfriend (haggard even for this doucher), looking like she just got shit out of the 1980's club scene. The Aliens take one look at the duo and obviously assume that this is what inhabits earth, turns back and harvests our planet for all of its resources, allowing all of us to die. Do I blame the Aliens? of course not. I wouldn't want to allow those hipster ass bastards to live, none the less show them technology generations beyond them. If anything, these fucks are a step backwards in the evolutionary chain. If Jesus came back down from heaven, he'd take one look at this hipster asshole, who looks like his wardrobe consists of clothes he found in the attic. He'd let out a deep sigh, and just get his ass back up there. The apocalypse would be minutes away.

Now! I don't hate all hipsters,that would be unreasonable. But, as a collective, I hate what they represent. Alot of these posts, that are going to be about things I hate will be about today's society, not because it's what's relevent, but because I just plainly and simply hate today's society. I especially hate a lot of what my generation produces and stands for, not to say I'm not guilty of being a part of any of that shit, but I do believe I've made a major step by realizing our flaw.

Basicly, to sum shit up.... the whole "point" of this hipster fad is to be "unique". Well, it's not unique if you and all of your mindless friends act, talk and dress the same way. In fact, it's pretty damn close to being the text book definition of conformity. Just because it isn't (or wasn't, because this fad is getting pretty large) mainstream, doesn't make it different or special. In my opinion, these douches are worse than all the prep and jock douches of the world, at least they're not fucking hypocrites. They're whole existance isn't a lie. That's honestly my whole problem with these people. Just goddamn admit you're like everyone else, and that you feel the need to latch into some worthless group, that you'll feel stupid about being a part of in five years. I just hate hearing people bitch about how much they hate people who conform, when they're doing it themselves! If you want to dress like a weird mother fucker, that's fine! Will I judge you? Probably a little bit, depending on how ridiculous you look. Which is good for you, no? I sincerely doubt you don't LOVE the attention. There's no way some of these people look in the mirror and are like, "this is TOTALLY normal." *sigh* fuck.
I don't feel like going deeper into this attention whore subplot. But, all hipsters are least a little bit of an attention whore, I mean, the bright ass colors.. and sheer ridiculousness of most of their clothing choices. There is NO WAY that there isn't some premeditated, "I WANT people to see and judge me, FUCK SOCIETY'S EXPECTATIONS."

I'm tired.

I'm just saying ...

These hipsters conform just as much as ANYONE ELSE. If not more. Also, their whole ideal or belief is to be an "individual". This is goal is impossible for them to reach, being that they become just like all the other hipsters.
Also, they just suck in general for being so obnoxious and hypocritical.
And if they love attention, hence the bright colors and other random shit that makes them stick the hell out.

- Shaun -

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