Wednesday, January 27, 2010

BroPatrol's World Famous Advice

Welcome to the very first BP Advice Column!
Here to answer YOUR questions today are Sam and Shaun!

Dear BroPatrol,

I've recently discovered feelings for one of my best friends. I really want to pursue a physical/romantic relationship, but don't want to risk the friendship we've already established. What should I do?

-Friends without benefits-

Sam - You're traveling a very tricky trail, Friends without benefits. Which is stronger: the friendship or feelings with this person? You've got to do a lot of soul searching, don't jump the gun, or do anything rash.

Shaun - I'll agree. Try to figure out how this other person feels. You can talk to mutual friends or his or her close friends. You can try testing your limits, be a little more hands on ( I don't mean hand jobs ). Just closer hugs, small physical connections. Try and judge their reactions, the more they do it back the better. If they back off a little, you're probably outta luck, but you just might have saved the friendship.

Sam - The way I see it is that there is two possible out comes: either the feeling is mutual and a relationship develops out of it or the friendship will end because things will just get awkward and eventually it ends. And no one likes awkward situations, especially this guy!

Dear BroPatrol

I recently walked in on my mom having sex! WITH MY TEACHER! What the fuck do I do?

-Honor Student-

Shaun - Blackmail. Make sure you milk this fucking cow for everything its got. You can definitely get an A in this class. Also, this is a great card to play at home. Mom's like, “do the dishes.” You're like, “don't fuck my teachers.” It's sure to shut her up.

Sam - Are they still fucking? Right now? Blackmail sounds alright. Teachers don't have money, but is your mom an accountant? Or married? Might wanna tell pops whats going on behind his back.

Dear BroPatrol

I think my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Every time she's out of the house I get these thoughts of her being with someone else. It makes me very angry and I cannot focus on anything else. My mind just flashes images of her with other men until I get a text from her, what should I do guys?

-Jealous Guy-

Sam - There's one of two things going on here. Either A) You're nuts, and you need help, or B) You've got a reason to to suspicious. Just think to your self, be sure and don't assume anything.

Shaun - From what I've gathered, this is completely in your head. You've got to gain some trust for your relationship or it'll never work.


Meghan - She's not suppose to leave the house now?

Dear BroPatrol

I began an online relationship a few months ago, and when it came down for time to meet, she ended up being a HE! I'm totally straight, but I'm in love! What should I do BroPatrol?

-Lost In Love-

Sam - Hey man, its the 21st century. It's totally okay for men to love men these days. But on the other hand, if they lied about their gender, then what else could they be lying about?

Shaun - I'm going to be honest, I think there is something fishy about online relationships to begin with. I couldn't tell you how many letters I get like yours; there are just too many creepy fucks out there.

Meghan - Close your eyes, pretend he's a girl. You're done.

Sam - Ask him to get a sex change

Thanks for your questions! Please continue to submit your problems, and we'll do our best to get to each of them. You can email us at or leave an anonymous comment on this post.

-Sam, Shaun, and Meghan-

1 comment:

  1. hahahahahaha i love this. -daniel